A lot of folks feel stuck.
They feel stuck in habits and behaviors, jobs and relationships. Their vision of the future is a muddle of stuckness. There is little or nothing they feel hopeful for. They wish they can become unstuck but they have no idea how things can change to something better.
Do you know that feeling of stuckness? I sure do. It sucks to feel stuck and not have a clue how things could possibly change.
Questions can help us stay stuck. Questions can help us unstick. Everything depends on the quality of our questions.
Sticky questions keep us stuck. A sticky question contains words and assumptions that reinforce our stuckness.
Here’s some examples:
- “When are you going to stop eating marshmallows?”
- “Why does this always happen to me?”
- “Are they ever going to stop?”
Let’s dig in.
“When are you going to stop eating marshmallows?” is a triple sticky question. It assumes and sticks you three ways:
- you are eating marshmallows right now
- not eating marshmallows is required
- some time in a future you will not eat marshmallows
See how that works? You might not even be eating marshmallows when the question is asked but the question assumes you are. Who requires you to stop eating the marshmallows you may not be eating? Do you have to live in a marshmallow-less future?
Just because someone asks a sticky question does not mean the sticky assumptions are true. That someone may be you.
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The question “Why does this always happen to me?” Has two elements of stickiness.
Asking “Why?” sends us into answering THAT question. Why?
You may want to spend a long time figuring out why something is the way it is. You may want to go deep into the past and peel back the layers of the onion and get a full understanding. Or you may not.
Is understanding “Why?” necessary for change?
A clear definition of what we want to change is necessary for change. I suggest that understanding is not required. Understanding takes your time and energy. In the end we still have to take the action to make a change.
What is the next step once you have understanding? Taking action to change it. Action is necessary for change. Can we skip that “Why?” step and just do the action part? Change could come more quickly if we do.
Just because someone demands a sticky understanding does not mean the sticky understanding is required. That someone may be you.
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Always. every, any etc. are generalizations that are rarely true. Are you always in one emotion? Is everyone unkind? Always? Everyone? Think of one time always or everyone were not true. If they are untrue one time, then the whole statement is false. False statements and assumptions keep us stuck.
“Are they ever going to stop?” is sticky too. The first stickiness is that the action is required by they and not us. It also assumes them stopping is required for real change to occur.
Demanding someone else change is never a good strategy. Assuming something is required without examining that requirement limits possibility.
Possibility allows us to get unstuck.
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Exploring powerful, expansive questions gets us unstuck. Powerful, expansive questions open us to possibility.
“What else is possible?” is a powerful and expansive question. There are no limits built in to this question beyond possibility. Asking what else is possible assumes something else is possible and that something is available.
“How does it get any better than this?” is another powerful question. Ask it any time, when things seems amazing or when they seem bleak. This question assumes things can get better and that ways to that better are available to you.
Who can help me? opens the possibility of connecting with others for help. Where can I find the information? assumes there is a place to find the information.
These powerful and expansive questions allow us to get our limiting thoughts and beliefs out of the way and be open to possibility.
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We can use these questions to unstick. We can shut them down just as quickly as their power arises.
Statements like:
- “I could never do that.”
- “They would not do that for me.”
- “That is never going to happen.”
seem like you are being logical, realistic, and practical. They are the exact opposite. These statements predict and assure a future based on limiting thoughts and beliefs. It is not logical to assume something is not possible without testing. Truly being realistic is allowing for possibility in life, it is not being stuck in our assumptions.
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Here is the challenge:
- Ask the powerful, expansive questions.Notice any question that is keeping you stuck.
- Be quiet and listen to the response.
- Notice how you receive the response. Do you follow it into possibility or do you choose to remain stuck?
Now is your time.